Sound The Alarm
"The what now?" Asked Ensign Pereira as he calmly sipped his mocha. He noticed that when Lieutenant Milf made the coffee it always had a little nutmeg in it. He could tell she really cared.
"Listen you imbecile.." Milf grabbed young Anthony by his collar and pulled him out of his seat so his face was parallel with hers. (The force with which Ubermilf yanked Anthony up caused him to spill his coffee on Piebeards leg.)
"The Church is here to kill us. Somehow they found out that we are in search of Blogadoon. We must leave now, I'm sure that The Armada has already begun to bear down on us."
Captain Beefheart was visibly shaken. He had been a captive of The Church when he was younger. They had tortured him unremittingly and he still experienced the ill-effects of their diabolical ways. He regained his compsure and started barking out orders.
"Cheyenne, send a coded message to the Pirate Colonies on Evor'lrak IV. Tell them The Church is in their vicinity and to get the hell out of dodge. Get that bloody mecahno-man down to engineering and have it prime the Quantum Drive. Anthony, I need you to go to the Armory on level 4 and get as many blasters as you can carry. The door code is 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. NOW MAN! Move!
Tao - since you are ethereal I need you to do some recon, find out where these buggers are and for the love of Charles Dickens don't let them see you.
Owl! You... stay in your corner there. Piebrard & Milf you are with me." Everyone scattered and began their assignments.
Milf gazed upon the Captain as he took charge and for a long second she actually had hope that they would live through this. That soon passed as everyone that had just left came screaming back into the room, even the aeriform Tao was screaming like a girl. Milf could make out words here and there. She caught the words "tentacle", "vile", "horrible" and "vociferous" and althought that last word seemed misplaced given their current dilemma she couldn't help but set that thought aside for later and focus on the horrible death-nauts of The Church that were churning their way into the Mess at that very moment.
Everyone cowered in the corner of the mess as the Death-Nauts inched ever closer uttering the horrible gut-wrenching snarls of their language.
"Look guys, we have to kill you now. We're real sorry becaues we are both big fans of your work, but we're Death-Nauts and we don't really have a choice in the matter. You understand right?"
Unfortuantely the universal translator had been broken by Piebeard when he tried to get it to translate his farts into latin and the crew heard only the sound of 1,000 boars dying in an inferno on the elemental plane of fire.
The Death-Nauts were upon them and were beginning the processes of destroying the souls of everyone that was in the corner.
With his last breath Beefheart shouted into the starry abyss "GOD HELP US ALL! EXCEPT MILF BECAUSE THIS IS HER FAULT!!!!"
As everyone closed their eyes to prepare for their demise they were all drenched in a sticky warm fluid and heard the laughter of a maniac. They began screaming in agony.
The kept screaming.
Captain Beefheart peered out of of one of his clenched eyes to find out what was taking so long and the Death-Nauts were mysteriously absent.
In place of the aliens stood a foul tempered, crazy-eyed bounty hunter with a smoking Plasma Cannon in his hands.
White Boy Bob spoke.
"One of you cunts owes me 5,000 creds for this job here."
"Listen you imbecile.." Milf grabbed young Anthony by his collar and pulled him out of his seat so his face was parallel with hers. (The force with which Ubermilf yanked Anthony up caused him to spill his coffee on Piebeards leg.)
"The Church is here to kill us. Somehow they found out that we are in search of Blogadoon. We must leave now, I'm sure that The Armada has already begun to bear down on us."
Captain Beefheart was visibly shaken. He had been a captive of The Church when he was younger. They had tortured him unremittingly and he still experienced the ill-effects of their diabolical ways. He regained his compsure and started barking out orders.
"Cheyenne, send a coded message to the Pirate Colonies on Evor'lrak IV. Tell them The Church is in their vicinity and to get the hell out of dodge. Get that bloody mecahno-man down to engineering and have it prime the Quantum Drive. Anthony, I need you to go to the Armory on level 4 and get as many blasters as you can carry. The door code is 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. NOW MAN! Move!
Tao - since you are ethereal I need you to do some recon, find out where these buggers are and for the love of Charles Dickens don't let them see you.
Owl! You... stay in your corner there. Piebrard & Milf you are with me." Everyone scattered and began their assignments.
Milf gazed upon the Captain as he took charge and for a long second she actually had hope that they would live through this. That soon passed as everyone that had just left came screaming back into the room, even the aeriform Tao was screaming like a girl. Milf could make out words here and there. She caught the words "tentacle", "vile", "horrible" and "vociferous" and althought that last word seemed misplaced given their current dilemma she couldn't help but set that thought aside for later and focus on the horrible death-nauts of The Church that were churning their way into the Mess at that very moment.
Everyone cowered in the corner of the mess as the Death-Nauts inched ever closer uttering the horrible gut-wrenching snarls of their language.
"Look guys, we have to kill you now. We're real sorry becaues we are both big fans of your work, but we're Death-Nauts and we don't really have a choice in the matter. You understand right?"
Unfortuantely the universal translator had been broken by Piebeard when he tried to get it to translate his farts into latin and the crew heard only the sound of 1,000 boars dying in an inferno on the elemental plane of fire.
The Death-Nauts were upon them and were beginning the processes of destroying the souls of everyone that was in the corner.
With his last breath Beefheart shouted into the starry abyss "GOD HELP US ALL! EXCEPT MILF BECAUSE THIS IS HER FAULT!!!!"
As everyone closed their eyes to prepare for their demise they were all drenched in a sticky warm fluid and heard the laughter of a maniac. They began screaming in agony.
The kept screaming.
Captain Beefheart peered out of of one of his clenched eyes to find out what was taking so long and the Death-Nauts were mysteriously absent.
In place of the aliens stood a foul tempered, crazy-eyed bounty hunter with a smoking Plasma Cannon in his hands.
White Boy Bob spoke.
"One of you cunts owes me 5,000 creds for this job here."
posted by Fella @ 7:11 PM
15 comments
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15 Comments:
Must... resist... urge... to ... compliment... Nick...
Although I do find it unlikely that a Brit would say "Get out of Dodge."
Unfortunately, I don't speak Brit. However if anyone is willing to give me lessons I would be an apt pupil.
Ubermilf - Oh I don't know, we use those kind of sayings a lot. American culture has has seeped that much into our lives. Plus we watch an awful lot of your TV. A lot of cross fertilisation (ooh err matron!) going on between our two cultures I suppose.
Nick - It's funny that I got cast as the maniac bounty hunter, as just this afternoon in a technical architecture meeting at work one of my colleagues said he could see me as a hit man. Very odd. He then followed up by saying he could imagine me doing a "goodfellas" on someone with a ballpoint pen. I felt rather disturbed by the whole conversation really as I always thought I came across as a peaceful character. So I drowned him in the bathroom later!
Beefy, Taoski, BFC and I would all be most willing tutors.
Your saying for today is "You Joey!"
This is a very British saying and is used when someone is being stupid. It is a reference to a 1970s children's program that followed the life of a man who had severe cerebal palsy. His name was Joey Deacon. It was meant to educate children and stop them being horrible to "spastics". Of course this didn't happen and soon us horrible little buggers were going around calling each other "Joey" as an insult. Kids can be so cruel.
That's seems logical.
Milf - The planet that the Pirate Colonies are on was named special for you. 10 points if you know why.
You Joey!
Mmm nutmeg. How'd you know it's my favourite spice that is also a hallucinogen?
'Cause it's Karl Rove backward? What do I win?
Nick, I'm speachless, and breathless with excitement!
Spaz!
award!
Step Up, White Boy!
I know I've said this before, and I don't mean to bore you all.
But all this really is feckin brill!
Like the cream?
Your blog is great! It's hard to find blogs with good content and people talking about cerebral palsy these days! I have a public cerebral palsy blog if you want to come leave me a comment or two! May I put a link to this blog of yours on mine?
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