Hand Shandy

Cheyenne rambled on about power surges over the coms but everyone on the bridge had fallen silent. They were all slowly processing what had just occurred. Piebeard fell to his newly reconnected knees and his head sank low. His spiritless body was supported only by Ubermilf’s leg. She patted his head as reassuringly as she could, while wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “So you see, Captain,” Cheyenne continued, “we’re really no worse for the wear. How would you like to…” Ubermilf cut him off. “Cheyenne, report to the bridge immediately.” He protested “But the engines are…” “NOW, Cheyenne!” He did not protest this time he simply said, “yes ma’am” and headed for the bridge. -- Cheyenne arrived on the bridge to find everyone silent and staring either at the captain’s chair or at nothing in particular. He walked over to Lieutenant Milf, Piebeard still heaped at her side. “Ma’am, what’s going on? Where’s Captain Beefheart?” She pointed to the scorch marks that permeated the ca...

Beefheart rolled his eyes and sighed deeply in an exagerated attempt at nonchalence, while Piebeard's console glowed a lurid mauve and in a breathy, porn star voice announced, "Danger, Seaman Piebeard incapacitated! ...mmmmm.... releasing nanobots.....now.......ooohhh...!" The purple haze of glowing nanobots dispersed from their holding pattern around Piebeards seat and swarmed towards his unconcious form. Though battle hardened, each of the bridge crew studied his or her own console with a furious intensity and fought as a man to hold down their breakfasts as Piebeard's legs - suffused with the deep red glow of the nanobot cloud - straightened themselves. Bones crunched back into place and tendons squealed and grew together as the unfortunate pirate's knees returned to a more conventional configuration. "...Mmmm..." came a muffled moan from beneath the main view screen, "...dat's nice....fank'ou very much...." Piebeard grinned with a ...