Hand Shandy

Taoski, the worlds first toothpaste tube baby, part time skateboarding expert and "Class A" tech nerd was not the kind of lad who would easily accept the challenge to shave, shower, iron his clothes and join a group of other adventurers bound for Blogadoon. But, one out of four was not bad. Dressed in his finest 10 year old combat trousers, logo painted t-shirt and with hair so wild that it melted combs and dumbfounded hairdressers, he stood in the doorway with his iPod phones swinging in time to the latest torrent download. Years of travelling the path of least resistance has left him devoid of any feelings and opinions on the world outside the Internet. Some would say that he was too easy going - almost vertical to the point of being asleep but deep inside him the still waters of a raging nutter ran deep.

Captain Beefheart and Piebeard had scarpered with the collections gathered at the galactic mega gig that was LiveAte. This marathon of bucket swinging begging was ostensibly to raise funds for Pies for charity organiser's Bono and Geldof's larders, which they promised to share out with everyone fairly. But there was a great deal of cynicism about this, as viscious rumours grew that they actually wanted the money to buy time for their ailing public profiles. All of this was academic, however, as Beefheart and Piebeard made off with the ship that was filled to brimming with the cash filled buckets. They raced across the galaxies, hunted hard. They had to stash their booty - and Captain Beefheart had a plan. They split up, Beefheart acting as decoy, while Piebeard was to bury the treasure somewhere safe. It worked beautifully. The pursuers became confused by Captain Beefheart's wily ruse, and went home. Piebeard found himself in a magnificent place where the inhabitants were ...

A constant bore and a pathetic whiner, Anthony has made it through much of his young life on pity and a pretty face. Ok, pity. Unable to differentiate between reality and a make-beleive world of fantasy inhabited by troll dolls and the cast of the original Degrassi series he made up while in an ether endused coma at the age of 7, Anthony is rarely able to cope with any situation more stressful than a long hot bath. Upon dropping out of University after a failed year, a metal breakdown, and the sound of $14 000 being flushed down the toilet, Anthony Pereira decided to take some time figure things out, ie. slack off for a while. After taking several jobs in the Customer Service Minion Industry Anthony can now be found rocking in the corner of an empty room. Can he add a unique perspective to this project? How about a dimension? Will he even remember about it next week? Will he show up dressed like a mountie then hump a moose? Who knows!

Despite having sworn off intergalactic space travel in order to pursue a career in the theatre, Lt. Ubermilf reluctantly agreed to join Captain Beefheart's motley crew of space pirates. She knew without her steady, maternal hand to help guide them, the men were headed for certain death. As she was rather fond of them all, she put down her grease paint, gave up the footlights and readied herself for the adventure of her life. Besides, someone needed to cook for them -- she couldn't leave them in Captain Beefheart's hands. He would feed them processed soy cheese! She pulled her trunk out from under her bed, blew the dust off the top, and opened the creaky lid. She breathed in the scent of her past, and lovingly pulled her uniform from the case. It had been years since she saw it; would it still fit? She shimmied into the snug fabric of the cat suit, enjoying the feel of the silky fabric as it fell into place. A perfect fit! She was ready. Were the rest?

Arrow Boy was in his junior year of college. Things would be normal for this type of situation except the fact that he was quickly approaching thirty and his peers couldn’t even buy beer yet. Would the kids accept him and his multitude of real world knowledge? Would the professors find his thoughts genuine and refreshing compared to his classmates? Would Burger King ever consider that “The Burger King” was more frightening than 500 miles of turbulence on a prop jet engine? Traditional values clash on a daily basis for this off the reservation native with no passport. Money is always tight but worse when you’re genetically prone to malicious savagery. Bail money that is always tied to beer funds wastes away what chances he has of ever owning the complete set of Carl Sagan’s Cosmos. Tune in and read about how his Cheyenne ways clash with contemporary lifestyles as this reservation reject tries to learn a new medicine. A medicine that will surely empower him to achieve all the things hi...

Despite years of persistent and earnest attempts to convince the world that he is romantically imbued with a tortuous madness as an excuse for his reckless whims and idle manner, there is a concensus that Owl is in fact just a fat, useless Yorkshireman. Usually a quitter, however, he pursues his mental aberration story with vigour, maintaining that if there ever was a blood test that showed he was truly, in fact, bonkers, you'd all be sorry then, wouldn't you, eh? On the other hand, having been programming computers since he was 10, there is little wonder that the freak is a lock out when it comes to real life.

Amidst his prime, Nick compensates for his lack of interpersonal skills by reading the dictionary and using big words to impress people. Even if he doesn't know what they mean. He has a panache for all varieties of pie (save rhubarb), a fact that is evident when you glance at his belly, which is large and covered in blueberry stains. He quit smoking about two months ago, and yet always has cigarettes wherever he goes. He owns five of the same outfit so he does not have to decide what to wear to his job each day. The job in question is at a copy shop which he loves and hates on altenate days. Loves to swear and is unafraid to do so in front of anyone. Has his fair share of regret but does not dwell on the past. Lives in the now and has to be noticed. Has an enormous ego for someone so shy, and his arrogance is overwhelming sometimes. Stows away on The Captain's starship, assuming the identity of the feared space pirate Ol' Pie Beard.

Comfortably past the first flush of youth, the Captain cuts a manly figure, although a little more manly in the waistband than he would choose. Still favouring loud shirts but getting a little long in the tooth for loud parties, he's spent a hefty portion of his life drifting, avoiding responsibility, looking for something to interest him whilst thinking he's a good person but hard done by. However, he is gradually having to face up to the mounting evidence that in fact he's been a bit of a shit and probably has no-one to blame for anything but himself. Still knows how to party, but it's mostly by himself of late. Claims he's an out of work Starship Captain just making do for the last twelve years with a job in computing, which may be true or may be the delusional result of too many hard years of substance abuse and a wasted youth. Or a bit of both. Can cook pretty well but is messy about the house.

If we don't do Sci-Fi, I think it should be fiction with a tinge of the unbelievable. Not a lot, mind you.

Reservoir Dogs Originally uploaded by chewmyhoop . We've had a couple of requests already that we do science fiction and fantasy, and I like the idea of the Reservoir Dogs type fantasy story "You wanna piece of me, elf boy?" Any other suggestions for genre?

This is an experiment in creative writing by a team. Team members can post ideas for characters, plot lines etc here, but anyone can comment. There's another blog called " Bash The Bishop " where we can post writing. If I can I'll get them both displayed on the same page.