The Church

The Church was formed in the early 21st Century Earth culture, in an area known as “Texas” in what was known as the “United States of America.”

Founders developed a unique formula to attract adherents: take all the world religions, subtract any pesky requirements involving mercy, understanding, or sharing, and highlight the necessity of hating and killing anyone different from the worshipper. Greed was also highly encouraged.

It spread like wildfire throughout the world, the galaxy, and the universe.

Giant indoor venues were created. No religious iconography could be found anywhere, and altars were replaced by Jumbo-trons. Children were sent to play video games, where they simulated killing. Depending on where they were located, they could “Mangle the Muslim,” “Hurt the Hindu”, “Jab the Jew,” “Crush the Christian,” or “Smear the Queer.” As it spread, every culture and species added its own group to hate.

Each group believed themselves to be the “true Church,” and thus began the Everlasting War. War profiteers and corporations gleefully celebrated the simultaneous burst of consumer spending and elimination of any silly “oversight;” greed, after all, was now a religious obligation.

Only one small island of innocents remained. One group, who the Church could not touch. Blogadoon. The Church’s greatest fear was that Blogadoon would someday be found, and their archaic practices of love, acceptance and wealth redistribution would take hold.

Blogadoon must never, ever be found.